| TRADING IN A JERK FOR A NEW MAN I was really ticked off—there are other ways to say it, but I will refrain. Let’s just say I was really mad and had reached the edge of rage. That’s right—smiley Jim was not a happy camper. Why? Let me explain. Our kids had been staying with us for two months. Then, another bunch arrived for 18 days over Christmas. We had six extra bodies all over our town home—some were sleeping on the floor. Great! Right? Well, my wife thought so. She was energized by having the family around. I was wasted. You see I love to see the kids too, but I like a picked-up house. I can’t write if I see things out of place across the room. Needless to say, the house was a mess—chaos would be more like it. Not only was the place a mess, but sounds of “Oh My Darling Clementine” on a toy piano was repeated over and over from one part of the house and “Mary Poppins,” “Winnie the Pooh,” and “Veggie Tales” were being played constantly on the other end. All this during my favorite season of football, and some were complaining about all the bowl games! (By the way, my beloved Kansas Jayhawks finally got into a bowl and won, which brought an evening of pleasure.) My wife kept quoting the proverb about the barn being clean if there were not cows in it. (Of course, cows leave a lot of poop if they are in the barn, and so do people!) She was saying I have to endure a little poop and chaos to have the family with us. I understand that, and I actually kept my mouth shut for two months. A few commented on how patient I was. I explained there was a lot of difference between patience and silence. So I went on with fumes building up in me for two months. Then it happened. I finally reached the end of my rope. I hit the wall on trash day. I walked into the mess and started collecting and cleaning. I stomped around for two hours not saying a word, but acting like a jerk. I was silent, but I got my point across by banging around the place like an enraged bull butting everyone around me—remember the cows in the barn? I made sure I made enough noise to draw attention to the fact that I was ticked off about the mess, and the only one who seemed concerned about it! Anyway when I was done, I realized that I could do something really stupid. I whispered to my wife. “I’m getting a cup of coffee and going to the park before I say or do something I will regret for a long time.” She seemed very excited that I was leaving the house for a while. I can’t figure out why. Maybe she didn’t like raging bulls! So I got my coffee and headed for the park. I parked my car in a spot by a port-o-potty (I’m getting up in years and have to go a little more often). It was very cold, but the windows seemed to steam up more than usual. I took a deep breath and started to read the Psalms for the day. That did nothing for me. Psalms were about the majesty of God, but that didn’t help me at all. I knew God was great. God was fine, but He wasn’t the problem! I was! Then I got down and dirty. Honesty is always the best way to connect with God. As far as I can recall, my prayer went something like this: “Father, your son needs help. I’m wasted. If you don’t do something fast, I may do something that will put me in jail the rest of my life—like kill my family. That would not look good for Christian man—husband—and father—and a guy who speaks in high schools about kindness and compassion! I can’t handle this, so You have a big problem on your hands—me! So if there is anything you want to say, I’m listening. As You know I’m at the boiling point, so You don’t have much time, so get with it or I’m cooked.” At that point, I guess the Lord figured I was desperate and gave me the thought to go to Colossians 3. Now I know about Colossians 3. It’s about putting off the old man and putting on the new man. I had taught this chapter in detail for years. I told the Lord I knew all about this old man/new man stuff, but it wasn’t working and I didn’t know how to apply it to me. The Word said my old man was dead, but my jerk of an old man had somehow come out from under six feet of dirt. He was alive and well, running around like the Gerasene demoniac and scaring the village around him. So what do I do? Again, as near as I can remember, here is my prayer: “Lord, I know this stuff, but it is not working right now. How does this work? I’ve impressed others teaching it, but I can’t do it. How do I put off the old man and put on the new?” You know, desperation is a great motivator. Even though I didn’t know how to do it, at that point I just started doing it. I spoke the Word. “I put to death whatever belongs to my earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires (like wanting to eliminate my family), and greed…I rid myself of all such things as anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from my lips (like the words I yelled when I dropped the apples in the grime in the garage). I clothe myself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Like I really believed I could be patient. What a reach that was, but I said it anyway.) I bear with my family and forgive those with whom I have a grievance. I put on love and let peace reign.” I looked up. I didn’t feel much different except a little more relaxed. I drove home and AMAZINGLY, I WALKED INTO THE HOUSE A NEW MAN! IT WORKED! I wondered if I had just bought into that “name it and claim it” stuff, which I really don’t buy into. I didn’t even believe that teaching, but here I was doing it. I think the difference is that I was speaking truth, not claiming a million dollars. It was like speaking the truth took hold over the lies of my feelings, doubts, and contradictions. Like Jesus said, the truth really does set us free! Speaking the word to myself turned the Word from an external study in my life to a living and active force. I have read a thousand times, “The Word of God is alive and active…” [Hebrews 4:12]. Now it was happening in reality. It‘s amazing that I didn’t really know how, but I did it anyway. That sounds like a contradiction and maybe it is, but it worked. Anyway, all I can say is I was a new man and it has lasted several days now, although I guess I can reclaim it any time, if I lapse into self-inflicted rage again. Any of us can latch onto the truth when we get desperate before we do something stupid, and put ourselves in a prison of regret. By the way, at this moment “Oh My Darling Clementine” is being pounded out over and over on a plastic piano and I’m OK! Wow! In my world, that’s a miracle bigger than being lifted out of a wheelchair or being raised from the dead! Come to think of it, maybe I was raised from the dead. |