THE GIFT OF TRANSPARENCY

Here is another entry from my new book, pictured below.

Speaking of being real…
A dying man asked me to have breakfast with him. His time was short and very valuable, but he had something important he wanted to tell me. He had pancreatic cancer, and as we sat down, he slowly moved his legs under the table with great difficulty. What was so important to take the time and to endure the pain?
He had been the pastor a church for over thirty years. He was loved and appreciated, and it was difficult for the people to accept his illness and coming death. They were showering him with gratitude for his ministry to them. However, the service for which they were most grateful was not his teaching, sermons, visitation, or running the church. It was something totally unexpected, and he wanted me to write this story and pass it on after he died. So I pass this on to you as a memorial to Tom who died five weeks after our breakfast together.
He said he had a problem with pornography for the first thirteen years of his ministry. It was a powerful addiction and it was “eating him up” inside. It was a horrible secret that he had kept hidden from everyone, even his wife.
Then a visiting evangelist from Canada came for some meetings and Tom signed on as one of the counselors. The first night, Tom went down to help counsel and a man approached him with a pained look on his face.
“I have a bad problem.” He said.
“What is it?” Tom asked.
“I am addicted to pornography!” he said in broken words.
Tom’s knees buckled and he froze, not knowing what to say. Here was a man with the same problem he had kept secret for thirteen years. What could he say? Finally he told the man to go to another counselor, because he couldn’t help him.
Tom was so shaken that he just sat down on a front-row seat, alone as the crowed cleared out. His evangelist friend saw him and asked if anything was wrong. Tom told him he couldn’t continue as a counselor. The evangelist asked him why. Tom hesitated to answer. Would he expose his hidden weakness he kept hidden for thirteen years? He fought the shame in his heart, but finally Tom revealed his secret addiction. The evangelist was not judgmental, and called some other men to pray for him. Tom told me with bright eyes that the exposure of his sin, admitting his faults, and asking for forgiveness led to incredible peace. For the first time in thirteen years he felt clean and free!
When he came back to the meeting the next night, he was on cloud nine. He relaxed in his seat looking forward counseling others. Suddenly, the evangelist shocked him out of his peaceful state. In front of thousands, including many from his own church, he said, “Tom, why don’t you come down here and share what God did for you last night.”
“Jim, I couldn’t believe that walk to the front was so long. I had taken a seat way in the back and it seemed like I had to go six miles to that platform. I don’t know what I shared, or how long it took. It seemed like six hours, but it was probably only six minutes. As a pastor sharing an addiction to pornography, the place was electric. You could hear a pin drop. When I finished, I was shaking trying to walk back down that broad center aisle to my seat. But something amazing began to happen. Scores of men began to get out of their seats and walked up to me in tears and gave me a hug! I had admitted a common problem, and they thanked me for sharing. It was amazing.”
His wife and daughter were waiting for him as he returned to his seat. Suddenly, it dawned on him that this was the first time that they had heard of his addiction and might be deeply hurt by what he had shared. What were they thinking? They didn’t say a word. After the meeting the three of them drove home in silence. As they sat around the kitchen table Tom’s wife silently made some hot chocolate. Tom wondered what they were thinking and was afraid he had totally blown his relationships with his family.
All of a sudden his daughter burst into tears. Tom thought, “Here it comes. I have really hurt her.” Then she said something he never expected in a thousand years.
“Daddy, thank you for sharing tonight! Now I know you are not perfect and I can come to you with anything!” They embraced. Tom said they have been the closest of friends ever since. His wife also responded with deep love and forgiveness.
Open sharing and transparency became the hallmark of his ministry from then on. “That is what I wanted to tell you, Jim. People don’t remember much about my sermons or talks, but they remember the honesty and openness. They are telling me that transparency was the greatest gift I ever gave them! That was what set them free and helped them the most!