On a beautiful spring day I decided to walk to the grocery store. It’s about three miles round trip and perfect exercise. Part of my route took me along the way I used to walk our 7 year-old granddaughter, Amelia, to school. Those times were special watching her skip along, joyful, excited and spontaneous – jumping into snow piles. She was not concerned about the government like I was. She had quickly forgotten past disappointments. She was living in the moment, not worried about the future except to speculate when we got to go to the Museum of Nature and Science to see the dinosaurs. She loves dinosaurs!
Children live like we are supposed to live – childlike. Jesus said we could not even enter the kingdom of God unless we became as little children. Children live in the world of reality. Adults have been trained to live in illusions taught by the world’s systems.
We all start out childlike – unique, spontaneous, and special. I know I did. My greatest joy was riding my “four wheeler” up and down the terraces. I was unaware of the problems my parents had living with my grandmother, or mom’s struggles taking care of me while dad was in the South Pacific fighting in WWII. I was just “Jimmy.”
As with all of us the world’s systems slowly closed in on me and buried my uniqueness and joy. The educational system limited my options and pushed me into categories where I didn’t fit. The political system restricted me to two parties, neither of which spoke my heart. Then there was the Christian religious system that told me what I should believe to be accepted in the group. I was given a “mind set” to read Scriptures the “right way.” So I spoke, and even taught others, with borrowed voices of the group to be accepted. For a while I spoke the Episcopalian voice, then the Evangelical voice, then the Campus Crusade voice, then the Navigator voice, etc. Each added some truth, for which I was grateful, but none expressed my heart or allowed my doubts. To question basic doctrines, was to cause disturbance and eventual rejection.
We all know the drill.
So I conformed to the systems to be accepted and liked, but I became fragmented and broken. I was tired of wearing other’s faces and speaking with borrowed voices. So I began a journey back to “Jim” – God’s idea of me – who I really was. I am learning to listen to my true self apart from the voices of the systems. It has been costly. Systems are not kind to those who leave. But it has been worth it, because the joy is the journey through the professor’s wardrobe with Susan, Peter, and Lucy into Narnia with Aslan.
I was there from the start
This child they called “Jim.”
Fit for only one part
In a play from my heart
I was who I was
Past moments forgotten
Present seconds enjoyed
The future unemployed
Freedom was real
Riding my wheels
Leaning into the curves
Along Brush Creek
To grab an afternoon snack
Of peanut butter and jelly
On my way to Bobby’s
To mess around with my buddy
But as I grew up
The bike was parked
And the route was restricted
By other’s directions
I could not escape the places
Where I wore other’s faces
To look as I should
Not be as I be
Where I was taught
To speak with borrowed voices
Learning lines to a play
That did not fit my way
I was told the other fashions
Would help me be respected
To be accepted
And not be rejected
I wanted to be liked –
Loved and adored
So I dressed for effect
To be part of the elect
I tried the foreign tongue
But absorbing strange words
Was unnatural to my style
Imported to my smile
And “Jim” was buried
Under other’s inventions
Living by the rules
And all the conventions
I wondered who was “Jim”
A doctor for my family?
A salesman for my fortune?
A believer for my faith?
My outside pulled from my inside
Which mask did I fit?
I was bent back and forth
And finally I did break
I was in pieces
Lying on the ground
A product of other’s ideas
Of what best I should found
How could I come together?
Inside matching out?
Not lying here in fragments
Wondering how to get about.
I decided the way was back
To the place I had been
To find the freedom I lack
And ride that bike again.
Because the “Jim” I was
Is who I am meant to be
Not conformed to the prison
Of the other’s thoughts of me
On the journey back to “Jim”
I left the world of illusions
And walked into a new dimension
A kingdom with no delusions
It supported me on my walk
With no deceptive talk
It applauded my progression
And blocked steps of regression
It maintained my amateur standing
Letting me work for love, not wealth
I was connected with others
Not as a competitor, but for our health
I found the best room where I fit
To help a redundant race
Is to be an original, not a copy
And occupy my special place
Jim,
I think I understand what you are saying, isn’t it interesting that today our sermon was all about connecting with other Christians in the body of Christ as a result of the overflow of abiding in Him. Acts 2:18, 47 Genesis 1:26 and 2:18
John 14:15 and 15:12 (our relationship with Jesus is personal but not private and should be shared with our fellow believers. To me, part of Do Unto Others is initiating the connecting and making new friends.
1 John 4:20 Matthew 5:23 John 13:35 and 1 John 4:12
I have always appreciated you, for who you have been and continue to be for me.
Cary
Love this Dad! Thanks for walking the road and sharing the journey so we can skip some of the stupid bits. I love you and miss you!!!!!!
Thanks Jim. I read this on a Monday morning with several deadlines. I’m a little weary from a week-end of ministry. Now I am going to take a break and walk my wonderful Golden. That’s what a child would do! Everything will keep and I can relax. Your words cause me to examine my heart and my thoughts.
I love it Jim….you put words to my own journey. Blessed to be a fellow pilgrim!
Hey Jim. Wonderful piece! Freedom. I’m sure, however, you’ll be discovering new areas of liberation in your life for the rest of your days as you stay with Jesus. I love His freedom, man. Want you to know I never viewed you as inauthentic, ever, in the almost 30 years I’ve known you. The many inauthentic faces you describe are all a part of your Story, the images that God’s been redeeming from before time began! We ALL had, have, and will continue to have faces that are mere images – not the fully revealed real thing – of who we really are! That’s the human condition – more specifically the “in Christ” human condition. We shouldn’t be ashamed of those false faces we wore (still wear, perhaps), the broken images that comprise our Story. They’re the stuff God used, uses now, and will continue to use, to exhibit His beauty in us forever. (“In my weakness, He is strong . . .”) You’re going to find more false images, bro, ’cause you’re not perfected yet . . . but ‘in that day’ you will be seen and known, and you will walk in, a completeness and perfection that you can only barely imagine now. Until then, let’s allow the Great Image Breaker do His good work in us, without shame, without regret, without fear. This, I believe, is walking authentically in and with God, Jimmy. (I, Little Brad, desire to be able to do the same.)
Maybe that was what I was saying/praying yesterday -Mr May!
I’ll read thru again when the weight of employ is less and I’m breathing muggy GA air with our daughter’s family. Blessings 2U and your sweetheart. Embracing the Joy of learning to be with Him. The empty come to Jesus, and drnk living water. In Him all things consist.
It’s a struggle to find the true me. Just to “be” and not always having to “do”.
How old would I be if I didn’t know how old I am? I guess it would be about fifteen.
80 years is a long time! Where did the time go? Just living and perservering. Putting one foot in front of the other seems to sift the time away.
For a long while I was not living as the true me. I was too ashamed, thought I had to fake it to make it. Now the Holy Spirit lives within me and I am letting him lead the way.
Moses didn’t even get started until he was 80 years old. Then he spent 40 years in the dessert with the Israelites that he led out of Egypt. God decided it was time for Moses to go home. He went with quality of life. His vision was good, his health was good and his hearing was fine. By this time Moses is 120 years old and God, our Father, said, “It’s time to come with me”.
I wanted to answer and the answer is just random thoughts.
Have a good and Godly day.
Judy
Jim:
Early on in my Christian life a friend quoted his father as saying “about the time you learn how to live, it is time to die”. I am finding that to be true. Your finding of “Jim” again is an example of that, I believe. We are getting on, you know.
Here is an example of learning to live. The Lord showed me recently that “the Cross releases us from the tyranny of self”. Frankly, Jim, I am having the time of my life in my old age.
God bless you. You have been a important influence in my life. Bill
Jim:
what a blessing to read your heart’s discourse. i too am captive and seeking a similiar freedom. i have met you in the past and know something of your heart. To know how to explain it to me personally although far apart is surely a blessing GOD has granted to you for me. Thank you for sharing this at a critical time for all of us.
bob